Letter to My Unborn Child (Pregnancy Diaries)

I didn’t even realize when the transition took place. From being a little seed inside of me, that would only be real when I saw your indistinct shape during ultrasounds, to becoming a live and moving baby, who communicates with me through the skin of my stomach.

Your movements inside may not be for my benefit, they may just be your attempts at making sense of your surroundings. Or maybe you do sense my presence in your own way, hearing my voice, listening to sounds that reach you within or feeling me move when I walk. But I like to believe that it is your way of communicating with me. No matter whether it is day or night, whether I am working or sleeping, when I feel you move or kick inside me, it makes me happy. You are big enough now that I can feel you through my stomach. I like putting my hand against you and tapping or rubbing.

To me, you exist in a very tangible way, even if you are not ‘born’ yet. To me, you are very much born, you are a part of me; touching me, listening to me, feeling my hand press against you. Is it not communication, when I lay down and you push against my stomach because it is pressed against the bed? Or when my laptop rests against my stomach and you push at it? I am always amused at the memory of the visit to the doctor in April, when you were pushing against the ultrasound device as it pressed into my womb. These could not all be coincidences? I like to believe that you are cognizant of the outer world and have started participating in it as much as you can.

I may not talk aloud to you or sing you songs or narrate stories yet. But I am communing with you through my body and with my hands. While I am anxious about delivering you into this world, I dream of the moment when you will be handed to me and when I will see you for the first time. I already love you, I can barely imagine how I would feel when I see you and touch you for the first time. To me, you will always be the most beautiful creature on Earth, because I have created you.